I dunno!
I got news today about the position I applied and interviewed for... you know... the on going saga. Well, after being told that there wouldn't be a decision for a few weeks, EXACTLY one week later I was told that I was not going to be the next Youth Chaplain. Not too surprising for me. I kinda knew it was coming. I have mixed emotions right now. I actually feel like two different people live inside my head and they are duking it out!
There's the, what I like to call "Kingdom insightful" side of me that is fine with the rejection. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God is taking care of my babies. That the man who got the position is just what the Kingdom needs for ministry and God's faithfulness to be unleashed out at the ranch! I know that my season of ministry is over. I know that there is something great in store for Luke and I in the near future And Know that God will take care of me.
Then there's that "me" side. The flesh. The doubter. The insecure. The side that says, "No one is even going to miss you, Kara. None of the kids care that you are crying yourself to sleep over the thought of not being at the ranch anymore. They are all use to people quitting on them, and what are you doing? You BIG FAT... QUITTER!"
I guess that's the hardest part. I'm not quitting, and I wasn't fired. My job is just over. There isn't anything left for me to do, and all of the new chapel staff is hired... so they can take care of all the stuff I was so busy doing the last 15 months. I just don't fell needed anymore, and that feeling sucks!
So... what's next?
I dunno!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
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13 comments:
ditto
It's cool that you can recognize the battle going on within you. A lot of times it's hard to do that and then things can be a lot tougher.
Make sure you take time to feel what you're feeling. Just because you know that God has a plan doesn't mean you aren't mad, hurt, frustrated, confused, etc. God made you to feel that way and it's ok.
Thanks guys! It's a great reminder that God DOES always have our best interest at heart. It gives me instant peace. I'm taken care of!
Thanks James for rmeinding me that I have permission to feel. It seems like I am always telling others that, but when it comes to MY circumstance... I don't do that. Like I feel like I have a higher standard or something. I think that it's God telling me I have a pride issue! It feels great to know that I'm allowed to be sad, depressed, and angery. But at the end of the day, it's what I DO with those feelings and if God has been glorified.
Thanks for the reminders guys! Thanks for being encouraging spirits and faithful to our Jesus!
I never learned to pray, really pray, until I learned to wrestle with God. In Psalm after Psalm, faithful people call God to follow through and make their lives what they are supposed to be, they sometimes sound angry and hurt, but they are still faithful. Pray faithfully.
Now that I've said the serious stuff: "Have you ever considered Piracy?"
On the Black Pearl?????
No, The Revenge. But Dread Pirate Roberts sounds more menacing than Dread Pirate Kara.
sounds like god must have something better in store for you...although, im sure it doesnt seem like there is anything better, right now! i will be thinking of you and praying lots. do something that you REALLY want to do. (even if it takes a while to figure out what that is) dont settle for something that you wont be happy doing- ive decided that there is no reason that we cant all be working at a job we love. good luck!!!
Kara
This is the first time your brotha from another motha has left a comment. i've seen you from the days of Cascade to the very woman we get to experience on your blog via all over the country. You are a wonderful young lady and maybe God placed you there for a specific amount of time. Whatever battles you have inside just explains the love you have for doing His work...and it's never in vain.
I will see you soon :-)
awe... Hersh! You made me cry! Thanks for forgiving me of my silly past and stupid ways, back in the day. I wish all of my friends from back home were as kind. But I must give the credit to Jesus. His death and scarifice compared to my every day "hurts" and "disappointments"... well there IS no comparision. He's just a life changer... once I came to understand that... it makde everything else, just fall into place.
Thank you for how sweet you are to me and my fmaily. I LOVE telling others about how I have a brother! And I am oh, so VERY proud that it's YOU! You bless me!
The hurt of not getting the job is getting better, every day. And as another day passes, I have more perspective. It's all gonna be okay! I know this now. And a huge reason I know this, is through the encouragement and reminders of ya'll (commenters)! Thanks for oozing Jesus love!
Hey Kakes!
We JUST got our internet all hooked up so I am just reading your blog for the first time. I am praying for you and that you will have peace within in the midst of this little storm until His plan for you is revealed. Love you and can't wait to see you!
Xana
Kara, My mom always told me (usually in regard to relationships, but it applies here, too) that God is not the kind of God who takes away (or allows you to lose) something good without replacing it with something better. (Think of the story of Job.) Sometimes it takes patience and wise perception to recognize this in our own lives, but I've never seen it proved wrong.
I suspect that the work He has in store for you will be much farther-reaching and more God-glorifying than the job you wanted. That seems to be His way. When you trust him to give you the desires of your heart, and your heart belongs to Him, he gives you more than you were capable of imagining.
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